For those of you who don't know this already, I manage a student housing complex at Dixie State College. The complex is the 2nd largest student housing down here and it gets fairly busy at times. I currently have 269 residents living here. And I proudly know all of their names. (The name thing has nothing to do with this post. I just wanted you to know how cool I was. )Ok, back to my story.
This morning a girl came into the office. We were chatting for a few minutes (a lot of them will just come in and hang out. This is horrible for my productivity during the day, but excellent for my self-esteem because it makes me feel loved). Somehow we got on the subject of family size (she comes from a family of 7 kids and another girl in the office is the youngest of 6) and this girl turns to me and says, "are you guys trying for more kids"?
I just stared at her dumb-struck (I was thinking, "is this any of her business"?) and she took my silence and I guess, the look on my face to mean "yes". But even my firm "no" wasn't proof enough. She was convinced my husband and I (which, I am sure she doesn't even know his name) are wishing we had the baby-making blanket on our bed.
This brings me to the purpose of this post. Is it any of her business if my husband and I are trying to have more kids, finished having children, have tried and failed to have more kids or anything relating to the subject?Seriously?
So, where do we draw the line? Is it ok for anybody to ask this? My mom? maybe. My neighbor? I don't know. My good friend? possibly.
Aren't there supposed to be boundaries about personal questions? I love my job and I love getting to know the residents, but there are just certain things that are none of their business.
Aren't there supposed to be boundaries about personal questions? I love my job and I love getting to know the residents, but there are just certain things that are none of their business.
10 comments:
Yeah--it is such an oddly private question to ask. It's funny how private things seem so public. It's like when someone is about to get married and people randomly point out that they're going to have sex. Somehow marriage makes private things public.
Next time someone asks say that you and your husband have hot sex on a regular basis--in the kitchen, the bedroom, the livingroom, and sometimes in her apartment when she's not there.
Then ask her why she hasn't managed to snag a husband herself yet!
I think you and Justin are fabulous parents and you make gorgeous children. As for whether you want more kids or not--I don't care just as long as you are happy! And please don't tell me when you're trying--that's just such an odd conversation. There are married friends who will tell me that--"We're trying for kids now!" Like that's an announcement! If you aren't pregnant--I just PRESUME that you're trying to have babies. You don't need to rub it in by speaking in code. "We're having lots of sex!"
This is long. Sorry.
sorry--I don't presume that you're trying to have babies--I presume that you're--oh whatever!! I hate this conversation.
I agree with you. It's no one's business.
UGGGHHH.
I loved this post I totally think that some things are totally off limits. I think that it's Ok to assert your boundaries by saying, "You know that's a personal question I would rather not answer." Then you move onto territory you do feel comfortable with. I get asked this question sometimes too and it has always bothered me. Thanks for posting your thoughts, I really like hearing your views. Hope you have a great weekend, Moana
Yep definitely no ones business but yours and Justins! Wow. You're amazing to know all their names! Hopefully the rest of them have more tact.
Well I agree with you. Been there, done that! Now if you want any of US good friends to know what it going on that is up to you to let us know. (ok I assume I am in that ring of good friends)
OK so this is my first time commenting on a post but this is one of those things that drives me insane. Living in the East absolute strangers will ask us about our baby making plans. Three kids is a lot out here. We will be walking down the street, in the elevator or at a museum and people (I think women every time) will say, "Man you have your hands full, are you guys going to have more kids?"
I really want to say, "Man your clothes have their work cut out for them, how much do you weigh?"
or
"As a complete stranger I feel it is my right to know how much you make a year."
Just because we have children doesn't mean you have a right to know about our baby plans. Seriously people.
Wait---you're an RA?!?!?! HAHAHAHA, oh dear my dear, I totally know that role! Waytago on knowing all their names!!! :) As for the nose business butters...if you're trying and don't want people to know, I say, "hopefully." If you're done having kids, I would say, "Nope, done!" But I'm pretty open about stuff like that. It's weird to go around saying that "we're trying" though because that's code for "we have sex 3 times a day." Jk. I don't know. Tough boundaries. Everyone is different too as far as comfort level in discussing these things. :) And single students are about as blunt as they come!
Ummm. I would definitely say that is NONE of her business for sure. I get asked personal questions all the time by strangers "do you want any more?" "are you done?" Yeah, it bugs. I feel for you.
HELLO! I like to comment about issues that are long past their prime so I am commenting now that it is no longer an issue for you. That is an intrusive question, but I would just have said no. I never think fast enough to tell someone it is none of their business so I just answer truthfully and simply. Possibly would have said it isn't possible since I use birth control:) I really like your website/blog. You definitely have talent.
I hear ya. My favorite question that is no one's business is when I am pregnant they want to know if it was an accident or not. Excuse me? Ya, I could go off on this for a bit, but I will save you the trouble of reading my ranting.
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