Hey Friends. I need some advice.
Lately Ema has been extremely clingy. At first I thought it was because of Justin's job, but yesterday something happened. We went to the grocery store and I buckled the kids in the car. I said, "I'll be right back" (I was walking over to return our cart). And Ema said, (with a panicked look on her face) "Where are you going?" I told her and then walked over to the cart return. I turned to look at her and saw the look of fear and desperation on her face.
That's when I realized there was more to it than just her dad being gone all the time.
Then, tonight when I was putting her to bed I told her that I noticed that she was getting really anxious whenever I would leave the room. I kinda lost it. I asked her what the problem was and why she was acting like this and she said, "because of what happened to me". Then I remembered -
when I was getting ready for Girls Camp I took the kids to the church to go through the storage shed. I left them in the car with the A/C on because it was hot out and I thought they'd be more comfortable. I was on the back side of the shed where Ema couldn't see me. Although it was only about 10 minutes, she freaked out! She didn't know where I was or if I had left her there. I heard some faint screaming so I walked over to the car and she was HYSTERICAL. She was frantically digging through my purse, sobbing, trying to find my phone so she could call someone. It was sad.
She hasn't been the same since. I sat her down last night and told her that I would NEVER leave her and she has nothing to worry about. I tried to explain that what happened to her was only because she couldn't SEE me, but I was still very close.
I don't know what else to do. Our little talk hasn't seemed to help. This morning she was just as clingy and I am wondering what else I can do.
So, I am asking you - my readers, my friends. Has anything similar happened with you or your kids? Do you have any advice for me? Is it better to comfort and coddle her or give her some tough love? You tell me.
5 comments:
Hmm... that's a tough one. It may just take time- something happened one time with one of mine- I can tell you more about it through email. I would just be patient and continue to reassure her. If for some reason you do step away- let her call you. I wouldn't do for abit. It was probably because both you and your husband were not there. AT least she's expressing it and not holding it in.
Oh my goodness, that makes me sad for Ema that she's feeling that way. I'd say comfort and coddle her, just because feeling secure and safe is something every kid deserves and I think being clingy is a kid's way of asking for security. I don't think they can logic away their fears when they're so young. Just keep telling her that you'll never leave her and when she's ready, it will stick. I'm sure there are many other opinions out there and I'm definitely not an expert, so I'm sure I'll be checking back to see what others have to say. Good luck and if you find something that works I'd love to hear about it because I'm worried we'll go through this when Gordon starts school.
How sad! And I know it's annoying sometimes for you too. I don't have a child as old as Ema, but my instinct is to continue to comfort and reassure her. Those are obviously very real feelings she has, and will probably get better with time. Maybe try stepping away for increasing lengths of time, starting with very quick? And I like the suggestion of letting her call you while you do it. Not sure how the logistics would work... Also, pray about it yourself and with her, for answers and comfort.
Good luck!
Poor thing!!! We haven't experienced that but as far as being really clingy and scared, my nephew got lost with Savanna in a hotel a few months ago. They were both really scared and though Savanna is over it, my nephew is petrified of getting lost. He has major anxiety over it. I'm sure Ema will get over it eventually but it might take a few more experiences where she really does KNOW you're there so she can see evidence that she really has nothing to be afraid of. Good luck!!!
Remember in Logan when I came over to your house to talk to you when I had told my kids that I was just running to the dumpster? Our visit was actually quite long, so when I got home Taylor was in hysterics and he was on the phone with Cooper (who was in class). It probably has effected Ema a little more because she's older than Taylor was back then, but I remember how traumatized Taylor was. I think you have done wonderfully at handling the situation. I remember praising Taylor for being so responsible in thinking to call Daddy and letting him know that he has what it takes to deal with a scary situation. It's hard to talk to kids about what to do if something like this happens, but I think knowledge is power- even with kids. If they know what to do when something like this happens, then there's not so much 'unknown' to fear. For sure she needs to be reassured and comforted so she feels secure, but letting her know you have confidence in her will help too. Alicia, you are a wonderful mother and I have always been amazed at your abilities to teach your children and help them cope with what life throws at them. You'll know what to do. (sorry for the book)
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